Credit: someecards

So another graven-image-of-a-dead-Christian-guy-day has come and gone. Say what you will about consumerism running amok of the holiday ethos, but the paganism had first dibs on that long before the growth economy was a twinkle in capitalism’s eye.

Hell, most of these vapid holidays were originally just bloodthirsty pagan orgies that got rebranded when the “good word” reached most of our ancestors. It was the only way to co-opt the local heathens and their warlords into sending a kickback back to Rome.

You know, the Church might’ve pulled a fast-one on those heathen savages, but it was the pagan that got the last laugh. From the saint worship to egg-laying rodents and ancient Greek deities who have wings and wear diapers, they corrupted monotheism and touched it in places that would make one of the Church’s own Irish priests blush.

Credit: someecards

Now monotheism is just another worn out institution that’s only taken seriously by the old, infirm and superstitious whose days are numbered by science and time — and they’re only taking it seriously because their days are numbered (and I will, too, when I’m closer to death than I am to my next orgasm).

Yeah, those wily pagans helped take down Rome, and they’ve done a number on the Kingdom of Heaven and the pearly gates that surround it, too. They’re an erratic and lascivious bunch, who worship nothing but their own egos and appetites, and are loyal to nothing but their own glory, decadence and consumption — and there’s something strangely reassuring in knowing that their ethos has had a more profound impact on the practical aspects of our culture and lifestyle than that of the kiddy-diddling power-mongers who are still hold up in seminaries around the world.